you're a dork

instagram: sarahjocleopatraxo

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fasterfood:

"God damn it!" i yell as i stub my toe on a table. suddenly from the sky, i hear god reply "okay". the floor splits open, revealing a pit to hell. god pushes the table down into the pit, and then it seals up. he actually did it. god damned it.


nonomella:

my 6-year-olds were upset because i taught them ‘television’ and they were like NO TEACHER IT’S A TV

so i wrote ‘television’ on the board and highlighted “T” and “V” and they reacted like i’d just taught them the secrets of the universe


snapchatting:

what’s the difference between a lawyer and a mango? lots of things! i love to make jokes


sharhk:

home is where the bra isn’t